沒參加 | AND SHE WASN'T (2001)

"You still keep my pictures, it's not that you fear to forget me. Actually you fear to remember me. "

「你還留著我的照片，你以為是因為害怕忘記我嗎？其實你是因為害怕記得我。」

0A.

"When I leave him"

"he gets lost"

"and he suffers dental pain"

「我離開他以後」

「他在車上迷路」

「蛀牙痛得要死」

0B. 

"It is an everlasting covenant of Salt between the LORD and you and your descendants." (NUMBERS18:19)

"Abimelech captured the city, killed its people, tore it down, and covered the ground with Salt. (JUDGES 9:45)

"Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again?" (MARK 9:50)

′這是給你和你的後裔，在耶和華面前作為永遠的鹽約。′（民數記18:19） 

′亞比米勒整天攻打，將城奪取，殺了其中的居民，將城拆毀，撒上了鹽。′（士師記 9:45） 

′鹽本是好的，若失了味，可用什麼叫它再鹹呢？′（馬可福音 9:50）

0C.

[ 沒參加 | AND SHE WASN'T ] (片名 film title) (*) 

01.

Saltie Doggie has pretty ears, pretty eyes, and pretty hands. Her nose is a little bit flat, hence SHE looks like a little girl. Saltie's hair is short, nice to touch, and her hair is a so-called Saltie Color. The word 'Saltie' means salt. In the Bible, salt means something permanent. Being named after that, 'Saltie Doggie' is a dog with a permanent life. The very trait of Saltie is on her back. Though the hair on her back is gone, Saltie Doggie is a pretty girl for me.

小狗鹹ˇ鹹ˊ的耳朵很漂亮、眼睛很漂亮、手也很漂亮。她的咀巴比較短，看起來就像是小朋友。小狗鹹ˇ鹹ˊ的毛都是短毛，不錯摸，顏色嘛都是′鹹ˇ鹹ˊ的顏色′。′鹹ˇ鹹ˊ′這兩個字呢，就是鹽巴。在聖經裡面，鹽巴就是代表永遠都不會壞掉的意思；所以′小狗鹹ˇ鹹ˊ′四個字全部加起來，就是永遠都不會壞掉的小狗。小狗鹹ˇ鹹ˊ是漂亮的女生，不過鹹ˇ鹹ˊ的背上少了一塊毛，這個也是她現在最大的特徵。

02.

In winter, it hardly ever snows in Taiwan. However, it feels cold at X'mas. Once we did spend time together at X'mas. Remember? You took no pictures at that time, so I guess you don't remember.

台灣的冬天很少下雪，不過到了耶誕節還是蠻冷的。那時候我去看過你一次，你來接我，也都有告訴別人說你要來接我，還記得嗎？不過你那一次沒有帶相機，所以我猜你一定忘記了。

03.

My elder brother takes pictures too. And he always  wears slippers. You and he are very much alike in some ways. You write me letters and draw me pictures, so does my brother. I like the way you do. But you two are very different in other ways. He's addicted to sweets, while you prefer a salty taste. You hate sweets as much as you hate brushing your teeth. You two are very alike, yet you two are very different too. You said you loved me. Well, as you like it. But I'm telling you, my brother loves ALL of me. If I leave you, I know you'll still be fine. If I leave my brother, he will definitely  kill me.

哥ˇ哥ˊ愛穿拖鞋，也愛照相，你們蠻像的。你寫信給我，畫的圖跟哥ˇ哥ˊ畫的也很像，我蠻喜歡的。但是你們也有很不像的地方，像是他愛吃甜的，你愛吃鹹的，可能是因為你懶得刷牙吧？你跟哥ˇ哥ˊ很像，也跟哥ˇ哥ˊ很不像。你說你愛我，好吧，按照你，可是哥ˇ哥ˊ愛的是我的一切。如果我離開你的話，我知道你其實不會怎麼樣；但是如果是哥ˇ哥ˊ的話，我告訴你：他一定會拿菜刀砍我。

04.

Saltie Doggie is actually an orphan. It's possible that Saltie forgets how her Mom looks. Isn't it? Luckily for me, we're a family of three: me, my elder brother, and my Dad. Dad is hardly at home. He's an airplane technician. It was always my brother who was with me when I was little. I can't remember how Mom looks. Dad  keeps her pictures, but still I can't remember her. I studied in 12 different elementary schools. When I was little at school, I did have some friends. I shared my crayons with other kids, and by doing so, I made friends. Without any friends, Saltie is left alone whenever you go out. How poor she is.

你想想看，小狗鹹ˇ鹹ˊ其實一直都是一個孤兒，她可能連她的媽媽是誰也不記得的，對不對？我們家起碼還有我、我哥哥、我爸爸三個人。爸ˇ爸ˊ是修飛機的，常常不在家，所以都是哥哥陪我。爸爸的工作要跟著飛機跑，所以我們家常常搬家。我不太記得媽ˇ媽ˊ長什麼樣子了，爸爸有留照片給我們看，可是我還是想不起來。我唸過十二間小學，小時候就要帶很多腊筆到學校送給別的小朋友，所以還有一些朋友；但是如果你出去了，鹹ˇ鹹ˊ就是一個狗在家了，只能在窗戶等你，真是可憐。

05.

Answer me. Have you ever brushed Saltie's teeth? When anyone has tooth-aches, they can do nothing. But for me, I'd rather have serious tooth-aches than live boring days. My brother loves chocolates, and he always brushes his teeth. You hate brushing your teeth, no wonder you go to the dentist so often. When we were together, actually for me you were like a handy toothbrush. You'll never understand how important a toothbrush can be for me. It saves me from aches. No more aches, then no more boring days. I loved you as I loved toothbrushes. Toothbrushes are so colorful, and so were you. When I'm in love, I do love. When I'm not, I just cannot help it. Rivers do curve, so does love somewhere. Phone calls do finish, so does love sometimes. And all toothbrushes are labeled with prices, somehow.

我問你，你幫鹹ˇ鹹ˊ刷過牙嗎？牙痛的時候什麼事都不能想，痛得要死倒還好，但是生活會很無聊。哥ˇ哥ˊ雖然愛吃巧克力，但是他也愛刷牙，所以還沒關係；可是你連牙都懶得刷，常常要去看醫生也是活該。我們在一起的時候，我就相信你是一支好牙刷。牙刷很重要，有了牙刷就比較不會痛，不會痛的話生活就不會太無聊。愛你就像是愛牙刷一樣，你可以有很多顏色，愛你的時候覺得愛就是愛，現在覺得不愛了就是不愛，我也沒辦法。世界上沒有不彎曲的河水，沒有講不完的電話，也沒有買不到的牙刷。

06.

We used to go out on the beach, though I didn't know what you really wanted to do. You might want to collect things, but why did you take me with you? I just want to ask, but do not really want to know. In fact it's your own business, and has nothing to do with me. The only thing I care most about is to go for a walk. As many others do, I love the sea most. Walking on the beach is my favorite. It doesn't matter if you hold my hands or not. That's not important anyway, just let me go for a walk.

我們以前常到海邊，雖然我都不知道你倒底有什麼目的。你可能是去撿東西吧，那又帶我去幹什麼？我只是想問，不表示我想知道，因為那其實是你的事啦，跟我又沒什麼關係，只要我有去散步就好了。跟很多人一樣，我最喜歡海，在海邊散步是我的最愛，讓你牽手一下也沒有關係啊，反正比較起來又算不上什麼。

07.

My brother is brighter than anyone else. He treats me most nicely. He teaches me jigsaw-puzzles and drawing. He makes up fairy-tales for me. Our family kept moving, so did my brother. Once when I was little, my brother didn't let me go to school. I tried hard to go, and then he ran after me with a knife. Dad was furious, and tried everything to stop him. Finally, he bribed him with chocolates. I suppose my brother loves me most. Dad loves me too. Their love is different in some ways. Definitely I'm more scared of my brother. Scared to death. But I do know he loves me more than anyone else on earth.

哥ˇ哥ˊ最聰明，他對我最好；他教我拼圖和畫圖，每天都可以編故事說給我聽。我們家常常搬家，而且哥ˇ哥ˊ最常搬了，小時候有一次哥ˇ哥ˊ不讓我上學，我一出門他就拿菜刀追我；爸ˇ爸ˊ很生氣，趕他出門還趕不出去，最後就給哥ˇ哥ˊ一堆巧克力才順利成功。我想哥ˇ哥ˊ最愛我，爸ˇ爸ˊ也很愛我，他們對我的愛不太一樣；我當然比較怕哥ˇ哥ˊ，怕死了，可是我也很清楚，在這個世界上哥ˇ哥ˊ最愛我。

08.

You always wanted me and my photos. Sometimes I'd give you them. But who do you think I really am? Am I the one that you know? Or the ONES in the photos? Me,  me in the photos, me in the video tapes, which would you take if you could only choose one of them? Don't show me my pictures and video tapes. How weird they are. The images in them look like me, but they are not me. Though my brother is different from you in other ways, you two are very much alike in some ways. My brother takes pictures when he is happy and when he is sad. He even takes pictures when he is angry. He takes pictures while loving me, and while beating me.

你常常要我，又常常要我的照片，所以我有時候會給你。可是你覺得我像我嗎？你覺得我的照片像我嗎？我，我的照片，你拍我的帶子（譯按：video tapes），三個只能選一個的話，你要哪一個？可是你別拿你拍的照片和帶子給我看，看起來很像我可是又不是我，真的很怪。哥ˇ哥ˊ和你有的地方很不像，有的地方又很像，喜歡穿拖鞋，有事沒事都拍，哥ˇ哥ˊ高興的時候拍，難過的時候拍，生氣的時候也拍；他愛我的時候拍得很多，他打我的時候也拍得很多。

09.

When my brother is away, I feel quite lonely and miss him a lot. Thinking of him, I feel much blessed and tend to forgive anyone on earth. Sometimes I miss Mom too. I wonder if Mom's world is sunny or not? Does it snow? Does the sun give Mom light and shadows too?

每次哥ˇ哥ˊ不在家的時候我就最想他。想哥ˇ哥ˊ的時候覺得心裡很平安，容易原諒別人。有時候我也想媽ˇ媽ˊ，不知道媽ˇ媽ˊ那裡有沒有太陽？會不會下雪？太陽會不會也送給媽ˇ媽ˊ一個影子？

10.

I'm so confused. What do you really mean by saying 'important'? For me, keys are important. Money is too. So is salt, and so is food. They are necessary, and people cannot do without them. Slippers could be too, But am I really important to you? Could you really not live without me? It's nonsense if you don't mean it. You see, Saltie's hair on her back is gone. To her, I say clothes are important. Without clothes in winter, she might catch cold and die.

我問你一個問題：我不太懂，你怎麼能說有一個人對你很重要（譯按：necessary）？我覺得錀匙很重要，錢很重要，鹽巴很重要，吃飯很重要，因為沒有這些東西的話人都很可能會死。拖鞋可能也很重要，可是我不懂你為什麼要說我很重要？是對你很重要嗎？還是對誰很重要？你看，鹹ˇ鹹ˊ都不知道她自己少了一塊毛，冬天的衣服對鹹ˇ鹹ˊ來說就很重要，不然她一定會騎車冷死。

11.

You kept showing me my photos and video tapes, and I couldn't stand that anymore. I told you how weird they are and how I hated them. The one in the photos looks like me, but it is not me. When my brother shows me the photos, I am scared. If I don't wanna see them, he'll beat me and yell at me. He is serious. You won't do anything. Instead, you'll just let me go. You mean to do that out of kindness. Everyone does. But for me, such kindness is too casual to be true.

我最受不了你的就是你隨隨便便對我好，然後又拿我的照片和帶子給我看。我說過很多遍了，我很討厭看照片啊，裡面的我看起來像我可是又不是我。我也很怕哥ˇ哥ˊ拿他拍的東西給我看，我不看的話他還會打我罵我；我不想看的時候你就拿我沒辦法，也不會對我怎麼樣。但是，你不要以為這樣就表示你對我很好，因為你這種好是隨隨便便的好。

12.

My brother always wears slippers like you do. You two draw pictures in the same way. You two take pictures all the time. My brother takes pictures when he is sad and when he is angry, also when he is happy. He takes pictures while beating me, and while loving me. My brother is serious to love me most. The way he loves me is beyond you. You think you're nice to me ? No. You're too casual to be. Everyone claims to be nice to kittens and puppies. Be honest, and you'll know your love is not really serious. I don't care for such careless love, since I'd get it anywhere and anytime. So why should I fall in love with YOU? It makes no difference from falling in love with anyone else.

哥ˇ哥ˊ跟你一樣，都喜歡穿拖鞋，你們畫的圖很像，有事沒事都在拍。哥ˇ哥ˊ難過的時候拍，生氣的時候拍，高興的時候也拍；他打我的時候拍得很多，他愛我的時候也拍得一樣多。哥ˇ哥ˊ最愛我，他對我最好也最不好，而且，他對我的好和不好，並不是你能夠想到的那種好和不好。如果你常常對我好，卻都只是隨隨便便的對我好，就跟別人看到小貓小狗說好可憐好可愛一樣，那你說的是愛就是不多不少的愛。不多不少的愛就是隨隨便便的愛。隨隨便便的愛有什麼好稀罕的？這種愛只要逛街就有啊，滿地都可以撿，那我幹嘛跟你在一起談戀愛？隨便跟誰談戀愛還不都是一樣？

13.

My brother loves me. My Dad loves me. Mom loves me too, I believe. I know their love for me is not exactly the same, but their love is different from your casual love. Mom has been gone since I was little. Our family kept moving, 'cause Dad is an airplane technician. Usually we stayed in one place in the summer, and then moved in winter. I can't remember how Mom looks. Dad does keep her pictures, but I still can't remember her. It's weird. You and Dad are very much alike in keeping pictures. I'm serious. You still keep my pictures, it's not that you fear to forget me. Actually you fear to remember me. You see?

哥ˇ哥ˊ愛我，爸ˇ爸ˊ愛我，媽ˇ媽ˊ也應該會很愛我，我相信是這樣的。他們對我的愛都不太一樣，但是我知道他們對我的愛都不是你這種不多不少的愛。媽ˇ媽ˊ在我好小的時候就走了。爸ˇ爸ˊ的工作要跟著飛機跑，所以我們家常常搬家，常常夏天住在一個地方，冬天就不是了。我不太記得媽ˇ媽ˊ長什麼樣子了，爸ˇ爸ˊ有留照片，可是我還是想不起來。我猜想爸ˇ爸ˊ留著媽ˇ媽ˊ照片的原因，應該是跟你一樣。我是說真的，你還留著我的照片，你以為是因為害怕忘記我嗎？其實你是因為害怕記得我。你看，我說的沒錯吧？

14.

The word 'Saltie' means salt. In the Bible, Salt means something permanent. Saltie's hair on her back is gone. That used to be her very trait, but it is not the case now. She has become permanent. Saltie Doggie has become Saltie. Answer me. Do I look like who I am? Do my photos look like what I am? Does Saltie in the bottle look like Saltie? I just want to ask, but do not really want to know. However I feel that for you, Saltie is the most important, so you don't treat HER as a dog. A lover is the most important, so you don't treat a lover as a person. Saltie and I have finished bathing. Saltie Doggie is a pretty girl, and I wanna hold her hands to go for a walk on the beach together. ( subtitles by Asio Liu Chi-Hsiung. translated by Ching-Hiang Lo and revised by James D. Uchniat )

′鹹ˇ鹹ˊ′這兩個字呢，就是鹽巴。在聖經裡面，鹽巴就是代表永遠都不會壞掉的意思。鹹ˇ鹹ˊ的背上少了一塊毛，本來這個是她最大的特徵；現在不是了，她變成了在瓶子裡面永遠都不會壞掉的小狗，小狗鹹ˇ鹹ˊ就是鹹ˇ鹹ˊ。我問你一個問題：你覺得我像我嗎？你覺得我的照片像我嗎？瓶子裡面的鹹ˇ鹹ˊ像是鹹ˇ鹹ˊ嗎？我只是想問，不表示我想知道。不過我覺得，對你來說，小狗最重要，所以你最不把小狗當成一個狗；情人最重要，所以你最不把情人當成一個人。我跟鹹ˇ鹹ˊ都洗完澡了，鹹ˇ鹹ˊ是漂亮的女生，我想牽她的手，一起去海邊散步。（作文/ 劉吉雄）

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(*) "AND SHE WASN'T" , 2001 | 16mm, 33' | dir: Asio Liu & Awei Liu | music: XB, FISH, Huang Yi-Chin, XB, TUNEVOLT & Hsiao Ho (Crystal Records) | Taiwan | 2001 Sundance film fest Shorts Program | Best Experimental Film in 2001 Taipei Film Festival |  "沒參加" | 導演: 劉吉雄、劉建偉 | 編劇: 劉吉雄 | 攝影: 劉建偉 | 音樂: 小寶、FISH、黃一晉、伏特音 、蕭荷 （水晶唱片） |  www.mimeofilms.com | www.mimeo.org | vimeo | pix | OST